Are you constantly being put down? Are you being lied to? Hit? Are you being told your feelings don’t make sense or that they don’t matter? Are you feeling left out of your significant others life? Do you stay anyway? Then maybe it’s time to reevaluate the relationship you are in. Staying with someone that doesn’t give a shit about you is very common. You are not alone.
There are those relationships that were as perfect as you could ever imagine and in a blink of an eye something drastic happens. Someone cheats, or lies, or starts ignoring you, maybe even takes advantage of your efforts throughout the house or the money, basically making you feel unappreciated. It is then that you may also need to sit and reevaluate the relationship and make the decision to either stay together or go your separate ways.
The question is why. Why do some people stay in these situations?
Below you will find a list of reasons as to why I feel individuals stay in unhealthy relationships.
1. Creatures of Habit. Bad relationships can be habit forming. It’s not a good thing but it’s one of those things in which you know what to expect so it’s easier for you to succumb to. Some people stay in these types of relationships because they know what to expect already. Couples know exactly what buttons to push or what to do to make it better. Even though these couples know they are only happy “sometimes” and truly they are not, they stay together. It’s a terrible cycle to be in. Fear of starting over with someone else may come into play as well. They start to make themselves think that there is more good than bad in the relationship and choose to stay instead of getting out of the unhappy cycle they are so used to. It’s important for individuals in this type of relationship to understand that just because the relationship is familiar to you it doesn’t mean its happy.
My advice for you would be to imagine the relationship you truly want. Place your partner there and ask yourself if he/she is meeting those needs for you. If not, grow a pair and tell your person to move the fuck around. If you didn’t find your prince/princess in the right pond, find a different pond. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Find your happy.
2. Staying Together For The Kids. Perhaps the most common reason for couples in bad relationships to stay together is to keep the family in tact. Most people have children in hopes that they stay together as a family. Once the relationship goes bad the only glue left to keep them together is the children. Couples try and try and try but to no avail. They just can’t seem to get along, see eye to eye, or even love each other correctly anymore. When they look at their children they see family. It’s much harder to leave because children may place the blame on themselves or you just don’t want to have your children not having their mom or dad together. What these couples fail to understand is that they are doing very harmful damage to their children by staying together. Parents who fight or hurt each other physically or mentally, only teach their children that that type of behavior is okay. It is not.
That being said, if you are in an abusive relationship whether it is verbal or physical, you will do yourself a huge benefit by leaving. Not only will you be safer and happier so will your children. It may be hard on everyone involved at first but neither you or your children deserve that type of treatment or to be subjected to it. Hands are for helping not for hurting and loving words not hurting words is a good way to keep healthy relationships. Remember love isn’t suppose to hurt you. Neither is your spouse. And parents protect children not expose them to hurtful situations.
3. Self Esteem is Shit. When you are in a verbal or physical relationship it’s easy to forget who you really are. It’s hard to feel beautiful or have self worth if someone has been telling you you are the complete opposite. Keep in mind abusive people will lift you up at the right times. When they feel they are losing you they will do whatever it takes to make you feel like the most important person in the world. They will make promises and say sorry as much as they can to lure you back in. And most times they win. Especially if you have self esteem issues. It actually wouldn’t be surprising if it was the relationship you are in that messed with your self esteem in the first place.
My advice to you is to look in the mirror at your awesome self and know that you are beautiful. Pack your shit and say goodbye to the negativity. Someone who truly loves you will always lift your spirits so high that it would be impossible to get you down. Someone who makes you feel worthless is the one who has the real issue.. not you. Often times the person doing the hurting thinks the relationship is better than it really is. So when you try and leave they will say things like.. theres nothing wrong with us or we can fix this. They are not the victim. They don’t know what it feels like to be treated the way they treat you. Don’t listen. You deserve love and respect and if you are not getting it then its time to dip. If you are feeling worthless remember that you are not. Dust yourself off and free yourself. Once you do that and are away from the harsh words or hurting hands you will feel a million times better about literally everything. I promise.
4. Afraid. In some cases people are afraid to leave because of some threat that was made. For example, they might threaten to hurt you or a family member. They may even threaten to hurt themselves. No one wants to carry that type of weight on their shoulders forever nor do they want a loved one to get hurt either. So to protect everyone they continue to stay in a bad relationship to protect everyone around them including themselves. It’s sad to think that someone can hold this type of leverage over someone but it really does happen.
If you are in this type of relationship it’s time to get the hell out of it. Someone who loves you would never threaten you. Nor would they ever threaten to hurt someone that you love. That psychotic. That person needs serious help. If they can scare you enough to threaten you who’s to say they wouldn’t just do it anyway. Talk to a trusted family member or friend and get some help to get away from a scary situation. There are people all around you that will help.
Relationships are suppose to be beautiful. They are not always going to be easy but they should never have any form of abuse attached to them. Be true to yourself and understand that you deserve nothing but the best for you and especially if there are children involved. Get yourself involved with someone who is beyond beautiful from the inside out.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!