After a good amount of time, I can’t say I learned what love is, but I can say I’ve learned what it isn’t. After one too many breakups that ended in not just loss, but embarrassment and a cold hard look at myself, huge eye openers and plain ol’ reality checks, I think I have learned how to spot what’s not good and what is.
Throughout my past few relationships I was finally able to sort out the difference between love and sex, and dating your good friend versus being in love with your best friend and with that distinction I was pretty much able to understand relationships much much better.
Yet, after all the bad relationships, important lessons and one too many asshole moves I wish I could take back, I think I can speak for everyone when I say, loving the wrong person is something you never want to do again. Like ever.
But how do you know when you’ve found the right person? How do you know when it’s real or if you are just doing the “fake it till you make it”? Who really wants a fake ass relationship anyway.
Since it’s impossible for me to define the indescribable feelings of love I’ve had, my best bet is to just look back and think about what love wasn’t. And you know after you’ve broken up and had time to heal what was real and what was just one big fat an embarrassing illusion.
Yep.. there is hope in those bad breakups and all the words you wish you could take back because at the end of the day, if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one. Amirite?
Here we go..
Loving the wrong person is fighting just to fight. Loving the right person is fighting because it’s important.
Once you realize you were loving the wrong person, you see all those fights you had that weren’t going anywhere, weren’t being fixed but rather just tearing each other apart.
You fought because you didn’t get along, not because you needed to work something out. You fought because you didn’t respect each other and you fought because you didn’t know what else to do. How ridiculous is that? Ugh.
When you find the right person, when you’re really in love, your fights are meaningful. They’ll be necessary fights, ones that are always worth it because you’re fighting for love.
Another part is fighting just for attention. You may love the person you are with but when the relationship is getting bad or you feel drifting people tend to do something to cause a reaction and get some kind of “attention”.
Super guilty of that. sigh.
Loving the wrong person means looking for the next best thing..loving the right person means you know it’s the right thing.
Relationships are about knowing, not guessing. It’s not about nights at bars wondering what other people might be like to bring home. it’s about being excited to get home to the only person you want to see. Someone you can’t wait to wrap your arms around and tell them all about your shitty night at the bar.
You’re not tempted, excited by or wasting time thinking about the next best thing. You’re not creating scenarios in your head or thinking of something or someone different. You have everything you could ever hope for right next to you. What an amazing feeling it is to come home to your person knowing that they feel this way about you and you about them.
Being in love is being comfortable enough to feel calm and secure.
Intense fights, loud make-up sex and being possessive does not mean you’re in the middle of a passionate love session, it means you’re out of your mind and probably very insecure about your relationship.
Being in love isn’t about the theatrics, but about the peace it brings. When you’ve found the right person, you can just be with them without the drama. You don’t have to act out this big giant play everyday. Fight, fuck, Sleep. No. Thats isn’t love.
Loving the right person doesn’t feel like a full time job that offers shit for benefits.
Checking out your persons phone to make sure she’s still yours, having panic attacks because they are on their facebook in the middle of the night and shut their computer soon as you walk in, worried sick when they leave the house.. these aren’t the signs of a loving relationship. These are the signs of a job.
Love is not about the insecurity it brings. Love is one of the only things in your life you shouldn’t have to think about. It should come naturally. It should be the one calming presence in your life.
True love doesn’t keep you up all night worrying. It helps you sleep at night. Love makes your heart beat a little bit faster when they wrap their arms around you.. it doesnt make your heart feel like its coming out of your chest because of anxiety.
When you are worried about where your relationship is going that’s usually a sign that its not going anywhere at all. When you’re in love you’re not thinking of steps or whats next.. it just happens calmly, naturally and with open arms from each end.
The life you’ve tried to make with countless others will just happen, effortlessly, as you fall into it without even realizing it. It will hit you like a ton of bricks right in the feels and when it does you’ll be ready.
There are no manipulations, ultimatums or final terms when it’s real. Just real pure honest love.