Little Tips On How to Bond With Your Step Children

Being a parent is a lot of work, I think we can all agree to that. No matter how old the children are, parents as well as the step parents, spend a crazy amount of time attempting to fill the needs of their children.

Lord knows kids can drive us all bat shit crazy at times but the despite the difficulties, most parents wouldnt trade the experience for anything in the world.

As a couple gets together they sign up for a great deal of responsibility and may encounter a great deal of disappointment and heartache as well as uber amounts of happiness and beautiful memories.

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Children learn most from the people who live with them in their homes more than any other source. From their first moments throughout their up bringing it is the parents and sometimes step parents that give the most influence to them. Because of the huge amounts of influence from parent to child, it is rare that a parent doesn’t look at the child with awe or happiness as he or she progresses in life and masters new everyday challenges.

Children just like parents, are individuals too. They have their own personalities, hobbies, likes, dislikes, special talents. It’s important to get to know these things. The more you know about the child the more apt the child will be to want to “hang out”. It’s important to build bonds and make connections. The time spent with your stepchild encourages growth and trust. People often misunderstand the meaning of quality time so try to make a genuine impression. The times that matter the most are the ones that are most genuine. There’s no need to ” buy” love or make yourself look good. Step children may not always welcome their parents new spouse right away or even for a time after, but with time and patience, step parents can win the hearts of their spouses children. Share smiles and talks and lots of laughter and I promise the end results will be very rewarding.

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Children love to be loved. It makes them feel safe and secure. The more you show love the more love they reciprocate. Step parents who show love often get positive results back from the children. Although there way be times that the children involved are difficult or show remorse, the end results of staying postive, patient and loving, are definetly worth the hard work.

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Dedicate your family time into creating an environment where everyone in the home feels accepted and appreciated. Being part of a loving family helps kids gain confidence and self esteem. They are able to see that the parents are willing to listen and provide positive support especially while transitions are being made. A lot of the time the children are already hurting and need extra love and attention. They need that assurance that someone will always be there to help them thru the rough times. Step mothers and fathers are put in positons where they may be expected to do a great deal of parenting and not get much credit for it from the children. However, the love you bring to the table and the effort you put forth is an award all on it’s own. Being a parent has it’s own special awards without needing that pat on the back from anyone but image how great it will be to have that special child love you back as you love them.

The most important thing step parents can offer is love and consistancy. Its important to let the child know that you are not trying to replace their mother or father but instead are trying to form a different kind of relationship equivalent to that of a parent/child relationship. Step parents who open their hearts and homes will find that the children will also open up and both parent and child will benefit tremendously from this special kind of love.

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Here are some examples of things I think would help with your relationship with your stepchild:

Be Patient. It’s going to take some time to get to know each other. There are going to be some ups and downs. Be ready for them as they come. Step children need time to transition from biological parents to new mom or dad in the home. Allow yourself to understand that you are not doing anything wrong. Children need time and space to figure out their emotions.

Do things as a family. Group activities takes away the akwardess and pressure that both the child and step parent feel they have when doing one on one activities. When they see postive interaction you have with their parent it may help them feel at ease.

Share in their interests and share yours with them. These become connections between you and the child and will potentionally strengthen the relationship.

Dont try to be their mom or dad. Build a special relationship with them that the two of you share.
Be yourself. Don’t fake anything. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. The most amazing relationships are built from trust, love and being genuine.

Have structure. Children need to have consistency. It’s important for everyone to have a sense of security. If something goes wrong kids need to feel and know that they have someone their to help them along. Having a structured home keeps things at ease and children feeling calm.

Last but not least… LOVE. Shower them with love. There is no better feeling in the world than to love and be loved.

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7 thoughts on “Little Tips On How to Bond With Your Step Children

  1. My wife is stepmother to my two oldest children…she’s been in their lives for nearly 10 years now (they’re currently ages 13 and 12), but there are still those difficult moments as a non-biological live-in authority figure!

    Reinforcing these occasional difficult moments for ANY step parent is the evolutionary phenomenon psychologists have dubbed “The Cinderella Effect” (http://psych.mcmaster.ca/dalywilson/Cinderella_Effect.pdf) — while many loving and caring step parents exist (yourself obviously included!), there seems to be a biological inclination to favor one’s own offspring (or other immediate relatives). The authors of that study came up with some pretty shocking and controversial findings, showing correlations to abuse and even homicide. So it is an ENORMOUS investment, and I applaud the hard work that any step parent puts in to act like a loving biological parent, and I know my kids and wife share a bond that, while “different,” is no less loving than what she shares with the almost 3-year-old we have together.

    My first blog dealt with my thoughts on parenting also…http://humanathema.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/parenthood/

  2. I love this- I hope Sean reads it. I might post it on his fb page. He and my daughter have liked each other for years, but now that friendship has turned in to a whole lot more….this is useful and pertinent to my present situation. You have a lot to say, miss. I appreciate it.

  3. I have 5 additional that are not mine, a foster and lois has 4 but they are mine I take full ownership and embrace them with everything I am…. the first step to being anything to them was for them to know how great my love is and how it is to shower them for the rest of their lives!!! I love this post!!! applause!

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